Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Apocalyptic Readiness

Reader warning:  This is going to be a rambling personal post, so if that sort of thing isn't your cup o' tea, stop now.  Before it's too late...  Last warning...

My sister-in-law stays with my son  one day a week.  She stays with him because I home school, but her kids go to school down the street.  My autistic brother who lives with us works at that school.  While she is with him, I teach at the university down the street the other way.  In return for this service, I provide dinner for them and their 5 children that day.

Every time she comes, she comments on the amount of food I have in stock.  She always says I'm ready for the apocalypse.  I'm proud of my well stocked pantry, but I don't think we would survive more than a month on the food we have.  And when you start thinking about other necessities, it's even less time before we are whiny.  And when the whining starts, we'll be out of the wine necessary to handle it.

Let's look at some of the essentials:

Prescriptions:  We will all be off our meds in short order, and that will make for one seriously depressed home.

Toilet paper:  Cheryl Crow may be able to use one sheet at a time, but not us.  We like big protective wads.  I don't want to know or be friends with anyone who doesn't.

Paper towels:  I love them. Sure you could use cloth towels, but the wash would increase exponentially.  And chances are the water won't be running during the second coming or the great chastisement.  As a matter of fact, if I were God, I'd cut off the water first as a way to say, "Get ready.  It only goes down from here." 

Gas grill:  this is my line of last resort.  I currently have one empty and one full tank.  I know I should refill the empty tank in case the apocalypse/second coming/chastisement comes, but I keep forgetting.  We'll have steaks tonight anyway...

Vegetable Garden:  I grow one every year.  I'm a survival-of-the-fittest-gardener.  That means I'm lazy.  I plant the seeds, water as I think of it, and hope that they will survive being too closely planted and too little attended to.

The only thing I'm really well stocked with is reading material.  I take great hope in the thought that man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the Mouth of God.

Now do Tom Clancy and Brian Jacques count as the mouth of God?  Yes I have a Bible.  Yes we have the Liturgy of the Hours.  Yes, we have many more spiritual works in our library.  But I know what I'll be reading.

I'll read about warriors who overcome the bad guys and save the world.  Isn't that the work of God?

(Sorry for the deep ending, but that is what this post is...  meandering thoughts.)

Okay, I'm not really done.

There is a family of turkeys that have decided to live in our neighborhood.  My son keeps trying to shoot them with his Bebe gun.  So far, no turkey.   I wonder if we could live on squirrels?
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